


Never look away (again)

by NATHANIEL_THE_ANGEL



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Elsa x Mulan wasn't planned but I am so glad it is in there, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Post-Canon, Snow is even more obsessed with birds than usual, Snow is the woman behind the curtain, Snow saying the f word, This is much fluffier than I expected, hook is only mentioned I swar
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-21
Updated: 2018-09-21
Packaged: 2019-07-02 20:30:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15804027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NATHANIEL_THE_ANGEL/pseuds/NATHANIEL_THE_ANGEL
Summary: Set after season 7. Regina was doing great or at least tried to keep the appearance up that she was until a drunk night reveals more than she bargained for.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tunemyart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tunemyart/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Never Look Away [vid]](https://archiveofourown.org/works/15807213) by [tunemyart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/tunemyart/pseuds/tunemyart). 



> First time participant. Huge shout out to the people who make this happen. The video that inspired this was made by the amazing @tunemyart on Tumblr and ofc the reason you can read this is my beta @trinadeckers who put up with my nonexistent knowledge of semicolons and how to use them in a dialogue.

Regina Mills’ life was fine.  
No good.  
Well, it could be better.  
But it was like pretty good.  
Losing Robin and almost getting killed by her son from another universe was a bump in the road, but having been elected and crowned the good queen were a major success to her. 

So there was Emma who she hadn't talked or seen in person for a few months now (4 months, 17 days) not that she was counting. It was fine she had used her newfound time, which was a lot, to bond with new people. Mainly Ruby and Mulan which she had seen quite a few times already thanks to Snow’s regularly scheduled Girl's Nights out which were a whole chapter of their own, but it had been more amusing that she would ever willingly (or sober) admit to herself.

 

All in all, it laid a good basis for her self declared new beginning.   
If it weren't for Emma and the turn of their friendship out of the blue. 

Her happy beginning sure as hell started out on the wrong foot.  
She replayed the memories from time to time in an effort to find out what had gone wrong between the two of them, but the facts remained the same.   
Their regular meeting to catch up had become more and more unpleasant with Emma talking less and less for no apparent reason. When she did talk, her topics were so mundane and boring that Regina had the distinct impulse to start running to get rid of the restless energy that seemed to be in the air. 

One special low included the discussion of the cupcakes that were served during one of Snow's fundraisers for a bird no one had even heard of, but the discussion topics alone weren't her problem. 

It was Emma's general behavior; she avoided eye-contact and seemed to retreat into herself. Regina's last strike was when she saw her texting David to fake a work emergency so she could get away even earlier. So she took the hints and let their friendship decline slowly. longer to text back and only made small talk from there on. Needless to say it hurt to lose her oldest and best friend like this. 

Now her time was spent cultivating her other relationships: She and Ruby bonded over their shared sense of dry humor and sarcasm,  their love for all genders, and she had been a highlight of every Girls Night Out Snow had planned.  
Because yes, Snow had started organizing those at least every month for a while now.

Until the "incident".  
An event which had exposed Storybrooke to a well kept secret of her:

Drunk Regina was...well she was a horrible softie. There really was no other way to put it.  
Everyone in her close circle had learned to be prepared for constant "I love you"s and spontaneous hugs. A phenomena that was now called the "Hurricane Amore,” courtesy of Red. She inadvertently cringed at the memory.

She blamed Ruby, first and foremost, who’d been intent on finding from the first evening out what kind of drunk the former Evil Queen was, but even if she couldn’t prove it, she was sure that Snow had been the first one to plant that idea in Ruby's mind.  
As innocent as the evening had started out, like any of their nights out before. It had ended with her having to be literally carried away by David, but not before she had kissed all seven of the dwarves and given them excellent (or so she had thought at that time) grooming advice. From then on she had only flimsy inconsistent memories as to how she got home. She could only intently hope Snow was making up the part where she had conjured up David's sword so she could break in one of her windows after she was unable to find her key. 

Needless to say that she woke up in the afternoon with a murderous headache which made it impossible for her to concentrate enough to heal herself which made for a bitter irony.

Pling!   
Regina was startled out of her thoughts by her phone.

Dinner is ready in 5 minutes.  
Please teleport yourself to our doorstep!  
Snow

She had told Snow a few times already that she didn't need to sign every message she sent. It was a fruitless operation, but she found it very fitting for her and far more efficient than the birds the woman would occasionally send.

One week after the incident Snow proposed dinner at their place so they would still get to catch up and Regina was very glad to not go out again for a long time. And since then it had become a weekly occurrence, that Snow used to retell the story and add even more details every time. In the latest version, Snow alleged that Regina had stood behind the counter and mixed a "Poisonous Apple". Not that she could prove that hadn't been the case because she couldn't remember; Snow took full advantage of that.

The queen had been sitting in front of the mirror and gave herself a last check to make sure her hair was looking good. She grabbed a light jacket on her way out of the house and locked her house.  
A habit as unnecessary as going out of the house before teleporting herself some place, but it had stuck with her ever since the first curse.

Dinner came and went without Snow mentioning the incident, the atmosphere was light and pleasant and the wine had put everyone in a good mood.   
Regina was nearly a hundred percent sure that Snow wanted to persuade her to something she knew would take some effort.

"So..." Snow cleared her throat, "I have a proposal for you"

"And here I was thinking you had already received a proposal", Regina remarked dryly and nipped on her glass of red wine.

Snow went ahead, ignoring her remark:  
"I feel like we haven't had a night out since forever"

"For a good reason, and it has only been a month and a half, no need to exaggerate."

"Come on Regina! In hindsight, it was fun, polishing up your image within the dwarf community and it certainly made for a good story."

"You must know since you haven’t passed up any opportunity to tell it"

"Because it is that good!" Snow exclaimed, let out a deep sigh and continued.

"It's planned for next Friday and Ruby, Mulan and Elsa already agreed to be there already"

Clever, Regina thought.  
With Elsa and Mulan being there she could hardly say no, they weren’t regular guests like Ruby.

"You really invited beyond the border, huh?" She swiped across the rim of her glass.

Snow's eyes glistered and replied:  
“Borders don’t really exist anymore, do they?”Despite her calm words, Regina could feel the nervous energy radiating off of Snow.

"I have one condition."

"Anything you want."

"No dwarves."

"Of course. Already done. You won't regret it Regina, I promise."   
Regina was sure Snow was practically bouncing and clapping on the inside.

Regina mumbled an "I already am" as the glass touched her lips which she was sure a smiling David had made out.

Not long after that, she helped them clean the table of the plates and excused herself.

The couple watched her leave in the doorway, cuddled together.

After she had teleported herself back home, David slung an arm around his wife.

"Do you think it will work?"

"It has to, David", wistfully she added. "It must."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

It was Friday evening and two days ago Snow had sent her an unnecessarily long message with all of the details and hearts (some of them even moving) and had checked in every day since then to make sure she hadn’t changed her mind.

Which brought her here, in front of her mirror fixing her hair for what she was sure Henry would tell her—she missed him (them?) a lot – was the hundredth time.

She was well aware that she putting off to leave but something about this evening had her on edge and she couldn't quite lay her finger on it.

Which was... frustrating.

Her phone buzzed fast three times which meant it was Snow White reminding her to hurry up. She had saved Snow’s number with a special rhythm so she could tell her apart and a look on her clock told her that her former step-daughter was right.

Shortly later she arrived in front of the bar. Actually walking there was a failed attempt to calm her still unexplained nerves to the event. She sighed and opened the door to be greeted by a rambling whirlwind which took away her jacket and purse. 

From the corner she could make out a waving hand that looked like it could belong to Red and steered Snow towards the moving limb.

Ruby leaned across the table to give her a hug and whispered, "She's been this way since she arrived, but I think it is getting worse.”

Regina chuckled lightly and sat down next to Snow.

Snow's oddness was surely nothing new. She could recall an evening where Snow had told a one and a half hour long presentation about a bird Regina had never heard about before and she had created this town.

"Hey, Regina!" Elsa chirped, dressed in a signature blue sweater.

Mulan, who was sitting in front of the princess, gave her a happy grin and a wave and then turned back to their discussion about the ethics of stealing from the rich. 

That was certainly an interesting development and a questioning look to Ruby told her it was news to her too.

It didn't explain Snow's unusual behavior but her chosen combination to their night out made more sense now.

Feeling content to have solved at least one odd piece of tonight, she was unprepared for Snow's sudden attack who was now sitting across from her.

"Regina, dear, what do you think about the plan to start a construction project near the forest? In my opinion, this could be the beginning of the end for the forest ecosystem. Then, as I am sure you know, a forest needs space to breathe in a way. Which I am not convinced can be guaranteed with such a...".

"An interesting point Snow but I have to interrupt you. I think we should get every one some drinks they look thirsty. Ruby and I will be right back." There was no way she would survive a discussion like this sober.

"Don't forget to bring a beer for Emma."


	2. Chapter 2

Ruby, I need you on Friday.   
7pm in Granny's Diner  
Snow

Why Snow saw the need to sign the mail she sent by birds was beyond Ruby. It wasn't like anyone else in this town used them to deliver messages.  
It was unusual though for Snow to invite her over bird. For the previous nights out she had always used a good old phone. It probably was because of the "incident" as Regina had forced everyone else to call it. A true shame in Red's opinion, she had came up with a lot of good other names. Her favorite one being "Hurricane Regina”.

Still, Snow only used her precious birds for important things. She was scheming and with Snow's track record this could very likely turn out to be a train wreck. They would need her. Besides it could lift Regina's mood which had been sub-par these last months. Sure her coronation had made her happy but the feeling hadn’t lasted for too long. Still they’d had great bonding moments during Snow’s events and she owed it to her to at least try and lift her spirit.   
She sighed, realizing she had talked herself into it and pulled out her phone to confirm.  
Distractedly she poured out some sesame seeds on the counter which Ses, as she had started calling him, happily ate. After he had ravaged the truly last seed he flew out of her window and left her to herself.  
She wondered who else the woman had invited that made it impossible for Regina to decline.  
After the obligatory rings, the bird owner picked up:  
"Snow, what are you planning and don't say it’s nothing."

Contrary to her expectation and her history of not keeping secrets, Snow had proved to be surprisingly tight-lipped about her girl's night-out. The only thing she had gotten out of her was that Mulan and Elsa would also be attending. An odd combination for sure but she had only gotten a cryptic, "You'll understand when you see them together, trust me.”  
Which Ruby understood as Snow sending out her birds to spy or as she would call it:   
Staying informed.

Well she was about to find out if she was right. She braced herself for a night about discussions of mother nature. Snow's preferred topic if she was maneuvering on open see, so to speak.

Opening the door was like stepping into another world.  
The additional heat of bodies in close proximity urged her to take off her coat and have a beer.  
It felt like returning home from a long absence. She loved it.

"Ruby!"

Mulan hurried away from the table and hugged her strongly. She was sure Mulan's joy was partly owed to having an excuse to interrupt Snow.   
She couldn’t blame her and it didn't lessen her happiness to see an obviously well Mulan.  
This night already had one thing working for it.

"Hey, warrior", she chuckled.

Leaning down to Mulan's ear she whispered:  
"How is Snow holding up?"

"I've seen men with swords at their throat less nervous."  
Ruby wanted to laugh out loud, but settled for one last pat before she let go.

"Better distract her then, huh?"

They walked back to where Snow was sitting, appearing out of place.

"How are you doing, Mary?"

She liked to occasionally mess with Snow by calling her, her old name.  
Alas, Snow rolled her eyes but gave her a “good”.  
She had spent too much time around Regina to actually react to such petty things. At least not sober. Pity.

She turned to her left where Mulan had slid on her side of the booth all the way to the wall.  
"I heard a certain snow girl is gonna keep us company tonight. Do you have any thoughts about that?", she was mischievously grinning while Mulan's cheeks turned their color.

"I... I don't... I am not... I don't have any thoughts about...her.", she managed to stumble.  
Ruby nevertheless noticed the dreamy look she wearing now.

"Don't be such a tease, Ruby, don't you see that she doesn't want to talk about it?", Snow threw in, which earned her a grateful smile from the other side of the table.

"Gee, Snow let a girl have some fun.", with a look to the door she added:  
"Speaking of fun, Mulan look who just walked in."

The girl basically threw her head around in order to catch a look of the snow princess.

Ruby slid out of the booth and gestured for Mulan to do the same.

"What are you waiting for kid? Go, get her."

After she had made sure Mulan would be fine, she sat down again.  
Fixating on Snow, she asked, "So, are you still not telling me what you have planned for tonight?"

"You are reading too much into it."

"Oh, am I? So, I guess it is just a coincidence then that you invited those two lovebirds? And a not subtle," she painted quotation marks in the air with the word, " hint to a certain someone that even the seemingly most impossible people could find love with each other". 

"Glad you got it all with no misconceptions"

"Sarcasm doesn't suit you, Mary."

Snow only threw her hair back as a response and waved towards Elsa who was making her way towards them with Mulan trailing alongside her.  
Ruby practically yanked Snow out of her booth and steered her towards the bar.

"We'll be right back you guys. Just getting us all some cocktails," she yelled in the direction of the table.

To a slightly enraged Snow she hissed that they should have at least some alone time, which seemed to satisfy her for now.

Ruby ordered some non-alcoholic drinks and whisperly instructed Granny to make any alcohol served later light. She didn't want her or anyone else’s mind to be clouded tonight with whatever brilliant idea was nesting in Snow’s head. Also she didn’t want Mulan to feel too weird being the only one sober, She didn’t fare well with any alcohol thanks to her origin.

“Last chance to spill the beans Snow, so I can help you”

Snow only picked up two of the drinks and made her way back to the table. Ruby sighed and followed suit.

At least the not yet couple seemed to be doing just fine and were engrossed in a conversation. Snow was back to being nervous and seemed to be texting non-stop with Regina.

She snapped her fingers right in the space between Snow’s face and her phone.

"Storybrooke to Snow. Are you there?"

It startled her enough to stop looking at her phone for a moment.  
Satisfied, she leaned back and took a sip from her drink. Far too sweet.

"Is that Regina?"

"Maybe..."

"I think for whatever you have planned you want Regina to be on your good side and texting her all the time is not the way to go. Actually it never is. Bit of life advice", she pointed with her straw at her.

"I am older than you and have known her for longer?" Snow replied a bit confused.

"Doesn't mean anything", with that she picked Snow's cherry from her glass.  
“Besides, I was never the number one on her hit list”

Snow only shook her head at that.

"So take your nervous energy out on me."

Snow looked torn between her phone and Ruby.

"Come on, I am offering to listen to you going on about your newest bird obsession. This is a one-time only offer. Limited edition and all that", with that she threw Snow's former cherry down her throat.  
"I want her to be happy too,” she added more softly.

Snow put her phone down.  
"You know you can't just call them all birds. I trained them for a long time and they all have a unique personality."

"That is the boring ass shit I am talking about."

Fifteen minutes later Ruby could practically feel her brain cells committing suicide.   
The only thing pacifying her was that Snow seemed to have at least temporarily forgotten about her plan and seemed happy to ramble about the advantages of giving each bird their own special diet.

An effort proved worthless as Snow’s phone lit up.  
She couldn’t decipher what exactly it was but she had a strong suspicion Snow was tracking Regina’s phone to inform her when she arrived.  
Snow practically flew out of her seat and almost jumped a newly arrived Regina.

Ruby closed her eyes for two seconds to give her one last moment of peace and quiet and then waved for Regina.

They hugged where she informed her of Snow’s state not that Regina couldn't have guessed that.  
She caught her questioning look of Mulan’s and Elsa’s relationship but couldn’t present an answer.

She sighed and gave herself permission to update Dorothy via text.  
Something Regina very unruly disturbed as she grabbed her arm to yank her out of the booth.

“Don’t forget a beer for Emma.”

Snow’s hands immediately covered her mouth but everybody had heard her. Even Mulan and Elsa looked at her.  
Regina had stopped dead in her tracks. Her brown eyes had grown as wide as Snow’s.

“You…you invited her?” 

Red winced at Regina’s high pitched question.

Dear god in heaven when would Snow learn to keep her mouth closed.

She gave Mulan a nod she would hopefully interpret to keep Snow close to her and far away from Regina.

Now it was her turn to steer a still in shock Regina to the bar.

She signaled twice for shots before the other woman started talking.

“She can’t just let things be, can she?”

Red wasn’t sure whether Regina’s anger was really directed at Snow but she kept quiet.

So apparently something had happened between Emma and Regina and Snow’s great plan was to reunite them in front of an audience.  
Had this woman never heard of subtle diplomatic? Obviously not a mandatory subject for princesses.

Great, just great.

She made a mental note to give her shit for it later if they would survive tonight.  
“What happened between the two of you?”  
Regina called for another shot and looked miserable.

“Did you kiss her?”

“No! I am not some kind of homewrecker”, she exclaimed seemingly aggravated

“But you thought about it.”It was a statement.

Regina just shrugged and continued to stare into the distance.  
And froze.


	3. Chapter 3

The evening was split in half. There was before, where her biggest mental question mark was how the hell Mulan and Elsa had managed to come together.  
And there was after Snow's confession.   
Regina had went into shock, her mind shutting down to process this new development. She only slightly registered Ruby pulling her towards the bar, her throat burning with whatever strong alcohol she had given her. She could hear voices and took a moment to recognize her own. Everything was muffled, like she had been wrapped in cotton.  
Her head turning towards the sound of a door scratching open, was at this point pure instinct. And there she was in all her glory looking like the Emma who stood in her fence and an apologetic hi, original red leather jacket included.  
In a full room she would always look for Emma Swan. A woman she had too much history with to not be talking to anymore and here they still were. With a room of people between them and yet they only looked at each other. 

When green eyes locked with brown ones, everything came rushing past. The soft cotton released her into the bright, loud room, in which Emma was still standing at the door, appearing to be waiting for her.

She could feel Ruby's hand pushing at her side telling her to get the fuck over there and she could hear the room quieting down, the guests becoming aware of the spectacle that was happening in front of them, more and more eyes watching as Regina came to a halt before the other woman.  
Having yet to break the eye contact.

Having Emma's full attention had the same impact on her as three mugs of coffee would, studying her face, looking for something and would glance at her lips from time to time, not unlike a triangle. Eyes, mouth, eyes.

She couldn't say how much time had passed as they stood in each other's private spaces, it could have been anything from a minute to an hour. 

Finally Emma ended it by turning around, wordlessly inviting her to join.  
Regina accepted, closing the door after them.

Catching up to Emma who was holding out her hand which Regina took after a bit of hesitation.  
As close as they had been, this was new. All of this openly shown tension was new in fact. Yes there had always been a spark, but neither one of them giving it enough material to turn into a fire. Only ever danced around the subject, blatantly ignoring what was so obviously happening.

Here they were, holding hands and strolling through Storybrooke. This was too good to hold for long, so she would enjoy it while it lasted and ignore her emotions of confusion and sadness that had made place for the anger she still harbored.

This mild evening hadn't been made with a fight in mind.

As absorbed as she was in her new thoughts and the sensation of Emma's warm fingers interlaced with her own, she hadn't paid any attention to her surrounding.

She was sure they had passed the Charming flat, so they were probably heading to the sea?  
What the hell wanted Emma at the sea, it was decidedly not the right weather to go for a swim.  
Not for the first time she wondered what exactly Emma's plan was and when she would drop the silence act.  
Had Snow put her daughter up to this?

They arrived at the beach where she took off her shoes. Not even with magic would she be able to walk in the sand in high heels without breaking her ankles. They hung loose from her left hand, while her right one was still firmly held by Emma, who had also taken off her dark black shoes.  
Emma steered them towards the seaside, apparently she had a place in mind. The waves were crashing lightly on the sand, only occasionally wetting their feet.

After what could have only been ten or fifteen minutes, Emma turned away from the water leading them to a wall, with a wide opening. The sun still illuminating enough to show a light green oldish looking blanket that was stretched out on the sand. Next to it an open cooler with two bottles.  
So no swim.

They sat down and Emma let go of her hand in favor of handing her a root beer.

"Don't worry, I've already pried them open with my teeth." Emma's voice was hoarse like she hadn't used it the whole day. Her smile wasn't quite reaching her eyes.

"I thought you were a bit more refined." She tried to keep it playful, but her eyes gave away all the time that had passed and how the things had changed between them.  
Back then there had been a scent of expectation, excitement at the further development of their undefined relationship.

And here they were again. Now their undefined nature scared her, she couldn't lose what they had but was also aching for more. The threat of there being nothing still lingering in the back of head, maybe this was an exception. One odd night of talking, avoiding what they should be talking about. That tomorrow Emma would wake up next to her husband and their baby and that Regina would be alone. Again.

"Snow busted into my... our house almost 2 months ago. Screaming bloody murder and what a fucking stupid idiot I am."

"She really said the f word?" It wasn't important, but she needed something to cling on.

"She sure did. It reminded me that before the ugly room decoration and pastel sweater she was a warrior."

Regina nodded thoughtfully. It was hard to guess if one would look at her now they wouldn't pick her for a warrior and even she sometimes forgot it, but it was still there, under all of Snow's motherly love and care there was still the woman, that had survived in the Enchanted Forest hunted by the Evil Queen and still never losing hope or support. She was a warrior at heart, even if she didn’t show it now.

"Anyway it did it's job of bringing her point across. She was worried about you, Gina. Big time. I think she still is. She knew there was something wrong with...us. But she didn't know who to scream at until you told her. I gotta say I'm a little bit surprised that you told her, seemed unusual for you. Not that you shouldn't talk to her. I mean you guys have known each longer for longer..."

"Emma", she interrupted her rambling. "I didn't tell her."

Her face resembled a question mark.

"You didn't?"

She shook her head.

"Then who did? Did you tell anyone else?"

"No...", she started and then her brain put two and two together.  
"You said she did that two months ago?"

Emma gave her a nod.

"I must have told her while I was drunk."

"You were drunk around my mother?"

Regina gave her a stern look.

"Not the important part of that, got it."

"The reason why I brought this unfortunate incident up is that I can't recall everything that happened, that includes a time where I was around Snow. So she could have gotten it out of me."

"You also could have just, you know told her..." Emma trailed off as she got another look.

"So...", Emma threw her a curious glance. "How did it happen?"

"It was during one of Snow's only Girl’s Nights Out. We used to have one at least every month before that," her hands stressing the last word.

Emma appeared to be taken back:  
"She had what? For how long?"

Regina was surprised at Emma’s reaction. She had always just assumed that Emma had declined to join as to not have to face her. 

"Girl nights-out, always with me and Ruby and occasionally Mulan."

"Wow," Emma took a long sip from her previously untouched bottle.

Realization dawned on her now. 

"She started them after... us, she knew I would never spill unless I was really drunk. That's why she got Ruby to do shots with me. I knew, she instigated that."

Emma didn't seem as convinced as Regina felt.

"I don't know, Gina. You agreed to do shots with Red, that's kinda on you. Didn't you learn anything from my hangover from hell?"

Regina chuckled warmly as she remembered the event Emma was referring to. She had spent the entire following day in bed cursing in her completely dark room, but was too proud to let Regina heal her.

"What do you think you told her?" Her green eyes went back to serious.

Regina sighed and looked to sea. Reality had them back. They would have to talk about the thing they had danced around so far. 

She turned back around, fixating her.  
"Does it matter? You made it quite clear, that you didn't wish to be friends anymore. So then why all of this?" She gestured to the blanket and the cooler.  
"To reminisce about old times? Or did Snow tell you to suck it up for one last evening? Because in the morning you will be back with him." As much as she tried to avoid it, her voice grew more and more bitter with every word.

"That's what you think I am doing? Throwing you a pity party because my mother told me to?”

"What else can I think?", her voice grew louder. "It's not like you talked to me. You just stopped, one day we were normal and then it was weather and food. I felt like I was a person you were forced to talk to, a guest at a party you chatter with to keep up appearance. For fuck's sake, Emma, you didn't even look me in the eye anymore." A lonely tear started its way down her cheek "What did you want me to think?"  
The first tear had broken a dam apparently, because now the tears were streaming, but Regina didn't look away.

Emma looked as helpless as Regina felt, also crying now.

"No, you got it wrong. I fucked up."

Regina couldn't speak anymore, she wanted to scream and kick to let out her anger, but she knew that she didn't have any energy for that, seeing the other woman cry and apologize took the wind out of her sails. 

Emma stretched out her arms towards Regina, an unspoken invitation which she gladly accepted. She rested her cheek on Emma's upper thigh and looked up to her with tear heavy eyelids. She couldn't yet ask her – maybe never – to hold her, but she could hint.

Emma understood the silent plea, wrapping her arms around Regina and caressing her hair.  
She let go of all the sadness and betrayal that had built up in her and cried ugly tears that ruined her carefully applied make-up and gave her puffy cheeks and red panda eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to care.

Emma bent down and repeated whispered words of apologies until Regina was still and the tears stopped coming. Emma then pressed a kiss to her temple and said so silently that Regina had to strain to understand the words:

"I love you."

Regina was hollowed out after all the crying but hearing those words nearly let her heart explode. They were truly breaking boundaries today.

As comfortable as Emma's thigh was, their following conversation should probably be a face to face. 

"Then why did you do it?" She asked softly.

Emma's face twisted into agony, clearly uncomfortable with the topic. She couldn't help her, now was not the time to dance around the important things.

She tried again:

"Where did it all go wrong then?"


	4. Chapter 4

“Where did it go wrong then?"

Regina's words lightly echoed in their little den.

"Hook." There was a certain finality to her voice, it had been a long time coming.

"In hindsight,",she continued, "it's so obvious, even though it remains a tough pill to swallow. I mean I dragged all of us to hell for him. I did so much bad in his name -in the name of chasing my true love- my happy ending." Those last words were underlined with an edge of contempt in her name that grew more audible as she continued.

"After all, I’m the savior, right? I bring back everyone’s happy endings and I can't even manage to get one of my own. How pathetic is that."  
She looked out at the wide sea, illuminated by a descending sun. She couldn't look at the woman next to her, but could feel the warmth and love that was radiating off her. 

She cleared her throat and continued:

"I ignored all the giant red flags in our relationship and god, there were so many. In his mind there’s this image of me. This perfect, totally good image of me, that's the woman he wants by his side, who bends backwards to make him a better man and if I wasn't then he'd drop me and he'd lash out." Memories of that made her pull her knees closer to her chest, his words still as hurtful as they had been back then.

"So I gave in. I tried to be this... this saint he wanted me to be and told myself that it was the right thing to do, that he was my happy ending, my one true love.” She paused and added: "Not that there was ever any evidence for that, no kiss that broke a curse. Nothing."

Regina broke her role as a silent listener and stated:

"That still doesn't explain what you did."

"Coming to that, a little bit of patience", her attempt to lighten the mood was not a success judging by Regina's face.

"Then you got elected to be the good queen and told me that this wasn't the end, that my story wasn't over and you lived like it. You looked so happy and free and, I don't know, I guess it got me thinking what I wanted my second beginning to look like and I realized that what I had now wasn't it. I didn't want to spend the rest of my days with him, but I needed some time to grasp that that was something that I could make into a reality and so I pulled away from everyone, including you, so that this time I would make a decision based on things I wanted." She turned away from the sea and fixated the woman in front of her. 

" I am sorry. I should have told, instead of pushing you away. Old habits you know. I am accustomed to run away not to stay and fix it."

Regina chuckled dryly and took a sip of her barely touched beer.

"It's ok, I understand. You were confused and unsure. But don't you ever dare to do it again."

"Never."

"Good."

"Maybe Snow should have barged through my door too. I was being idiotic too by not asking what was going on"

Emma looked at her with badly faked surprise:  
"Madame Mayor, did you just call yourself an idiot?"

"I reckon, Sheriff Swan, that I did.

They looked at each other for a long moment, taking in their situation and then started laughing uncontrollably. The tension crafted by their heavy conversation evaporating. 

Emma laughed until she was out of air and knew that her stomach would hurt tomorrow. She hadn't let go like this for what felt like ages. She was happy. A feeling that had been significantly missing from her life these last months.

She took in Regina who was holding her belly, her mascara still smeared from her earlier crying, but to her she was still as breathtakingly beautiful as she had always been. 

Emma held out her hand like in the beginning of this unique evening and Regina took it without hesitation, scooting closer until she could rest her head on her shoulder.

Cuddled up like this they watched as the sun set into the water. There were still things they would have to figure. The most prominent one being the obvious change in their relationship. They were more than friends, had always acted in the gray areas of what differentiated a friendship from something more. But this was not a gray area anymore and she only allowed her to feel happiness and excitement about that. They would figure it out, like they always had.

After the last ray of sunshine was truly beyond the horizon, she could feel Regina shivering. No surprise there since she was still only dressed in her light black dress.

"Gina," she said quietly.

She got a muffled hmm in response.

"You are freezing, let me give you my jacket," she tried.

"I am not cold."

"Sure you’re not, that's why your teeth are clattering and there are goosebumps all over your arms."

"Then you will be cold," she reiterated.

"Possibly, but I am not wearing a dress."

Regina didn't seem to have a counter argument for that, but she didn’t move a muscle.

"You are ridiculous," Emma huffed. "Come on, woman."

After some muffled protest, Regina sat up straight, not bothering to fix her out of order hair from where she had leaned against Emma.  
Emma took off her jacket and hung it carefully around her shoulders and got a thank you back.

"It's even your favorite leather jacket."

Regina huffed, clearly not agreeing.

"Everyone with eyes can see that it is hideous, I can't believe that you kept it all those years."

"It kinda turned into a reminder of my first year in this town and the new family I made.”

She held out her hand and helped Regina up.

"Come on, I will walk you home."

"Don't be ridiculous, I can walk myself home just fine."

"Yeah but you could have also conjured up the coat you left at Granny's", Emma retorted.

Regina let out her air in a huff and turned to walk back.

"Are you coming Ms. Swan or do you require a written invitation."

Emma smile grew wide and sped up to her. She would clean this up tomorrow.

This time, Regina initiated the hand holding, their fingers interlocking like they had never not done this.

"Sooo, my mother told me that you are a dwarf lover now. Congratulations." 

"I will kill her and then you. And then her again.", but there wasn’t a real edge to the sentence.

Emma laughed, she had missed this comfortable banter so much and judging by Regina's relaxed face she was enjoying this too.  
Like this they strolled back into the town, heading for Regina's in a slow pace, catching up on what had happened in the meantime while the dark shades of the night settled around them.

Eventually they came to a halt before the mansion.  
Emma didn't want this night to end but was unsure how to go about that.  
She cleared her throat awkwardly.  
"So I guess this means good night." She said, not letting go of her hand.

Regina looked at her for a long moment, then rolled her eyes and opened the door with magic, dragging Emma along with her.

She was steering them towards the master bedroom where she handed her a pair what looked like very expensive pajamas.

"I think you know where the bathroom is," with that she turned around and moved the strips of her dress from her shoulders.

Emma practically sped towards the bathroom, as much as she wanted to see what Regina looked like underneath her clothes, tonight was not the night for that. Too many things had still gone untalked about. Adding to that, she was still married to Hook and she wanted that to end as undramatic as possible. So no, tonight was not the night for that stuff, but the thought of cuddling with Regina was enough to induce a natural high and she was practically buzzing as she brushed her teeth.

She contemplated whether or not to keep her hair down but then decided for her usual messy bun. She didn't want her hair to get into the way.

She stood in the doorway to the bedroom for a while, watching Regina who was already under the covers with the back to her. The moon illuminating her dark hair. It was an almost outer worldly kind of scene.

Turning around Regina looked at her, smiling softly.

"Are you just gonna stand there and stare?"

"I could always stare at you." It was an honest confession.

Shutting the door, she crawled into the bed and faced Regina. She admired her up close,. tracing her features and the scar on her upper lip with one thumb, which prompted Regina to close her eyes and sigh in content. It reminded her of a cat, a very sexy cat.

After a while she cast up her eyes, looking directly into Regina’s.

"If it's not Hook, then what do want your happy beginning to be?"

Emma hummed. It was an important question and one she had been thinking about.

"I want him out of my life and sole custody for Hope. He is not ready to be a responsible father and I doubt he ever will be, not with the amount of alcohol he drinks. I want to move back here and spend more time with my real family." She paused, looking away shortly and then back.  
Emma was worrying her bottom lip, hoping to whatever was out there, watching over them, that her next sentence won't backfire.

"And when all of that is done, than I hope that someone special will still want me."

Regina smile could light up the night sky.  
"I think she will. In fact I think that everything since your arrival was leading towards you and her, but that sometimes people are idiots and inevitable things take some time.”  
Regina cupped her face with both hands and continued in the softest voice she had ever heard her use.

"I love you too, Emma Nolan Swan. Never forget that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yell about those gay idiots with me over on Tumblr @nathanieltheangel or leave a comment and make my day. (There is no one stopping you to do both).  
> As you might be aware the comment contest is happening again more information is [here](http://sqsupernova.tumblr.com/post/177527168129/the-swan-queen-supernova-comments-contest-returns).


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